Anonymous Contribution for Chapter 1: Male, 19 “The Impact of my Phone on my life. (Warning: not very good)”
Like everyone my age, I started on Google+ at around 12 and transferred to Instagram with the rest of my peers. I used to be super smart before I started scrolling for hours at a time. I’m not going to be wishy-washy about that fact: I had really good grades. I was on top of my stuff. The first games I played were ones I downloaded on my school laptop. Normal stuff like Roblox and Minecraft (my computer crashed after a bit). I remember being 14 and our school had around the clock all night WIFI and we all used it. I would run into other buem and sometimes the dieneh in the school all the time, watching movies, surfing the web, texting their friends, or whatever.
I read a while back that addiction is the use of something even after damaging effects become evident. I kind of agree with that. I was in school. With a deadline looming over my head, social life in decline, and so. Much. Homework. Just thinking of doing it stressed the hell out of me. I was scared to even start. So, I kept scrolling and streaming and watching and repeat. Yes, as far as I am concerned, I was addicted to something because I was letting actual priorities go for the sake of my phone.
In the past, I think I was quite good at talking to peers and I was good at expressing myself and such, but now I much prefer to text instead of talk. The same article I was sent about addiction and media said that we (by that I mean me and all my peers) are addicted to the novelty of the next post, meme, movie, the next buzz of self-esteem. The next laughs. But it’s temporary. It goes away so you have to keep scrolling.
I am now graduated and really don’t go to school anymore, but with all the freed-up time I spend probably 3 hours + on or with my phone (podcasts and music). I wish that honestly, I had a bit more...permanence? I want to be able to read a whole book like I used to. To talk to my friends for hours and hours like I used to. We just look at our phones. Writing this made me think about it more, and really, it’s my choice. It’s an addiction, but it’s not that bad of one. It’s something I can stop on my own. If I want to be “present” I have to let something go. But it’s going to be really hard...
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Anonymous Contribution for Chapter 1: Male, 16 “Dealing with Anxiety Online”
I am a very nervous and quiet person by default, but using the internet helped me overcome this in many ways. I use it to brows, watching YouTube, whatever ai feel like really, and for any introvert like myself it is awesome. I could research my interests instead of being with people that I don’t want to be with.
But I do have my concerns, even as a teen writing this. When I started high school, I wasn’t an A-student. My teachers on the colony always said I was “ADHD-like”, which I why I chose to write for this chapter. I tried, I really did, to pay attention in class and I really did try to study for every test and such, but my marks never showed that. It is really hard for me to get an idea on paper.
More than that, I hate and still hate gatherings. For days leading up I’m terrified. Facing these people that I only ever see on a screen is horrible, especially with the fact that I’m not all the cool to begin with. Social media lets me be more outgoing. Like lately I talked to this girl from my class, and it’s cool. I like texting because it takes the edge off, and for the first time I’m sort of not completely nervous for a gathering coming up because that’s one person who will talk to me and who I have conversed with. Yes, I still have to face them, but the worst part is over, right?
Going back to my anxiety and such, the way social media helped it with conversations and such, it made it worse in other areas. Specifically, school and work. It’s like I’m in my room and on my phone or whatever. Basically, doing nothing important, but in the back of my mind, I know I have this ton of work just piling up. I don’t want to do it because I know no matter how hard I try I won’t do very good anyways, but in whatever game I’m playing I am doing really good.
Also, lately I think I had my first panic attach. I don’t want to go into it, because its being taken care of, but one of the first things I did when I felt better was go on reddit and just scrolled. An hour later I just thought, “What am I doing” I just had this mental episode and here I am not doing anything about it.
I know I’m among a small group of Hutterites, but in a bigger way, we’re all the same. We’re all dealing with stress, and girl problems (or guy problems) and basically trying to figure this life and colony thing out. The internet is great to get us connected, but it’s like that one assignment in class said, “we are more connected, but only to our peers. They can’t help if they have the same struggles.” And that’s the way I feel too. It’s like an excuse or a distraction from dealing with life more than anything.
But I think things are going to get better. I got a bunch of adds lately for a site and I went on and saw some courses I would really be interested in taking, even if to just help me understand some stuff in school. It’s things like that that help me realize that the internet is mostly useful, I just have to use it right. I’m worried that parents will read this and think how the solution is to take away my phone and Xbox. But it isn’t. These things have helped me. I think parents should be more understanding and help us use better. You used the word “intent” and I like it. I’m still a dumb idiot teen figuring this all out. Maybe if my mom showed me that I don’t have to depend on my phone and I can call people too or something like that, instead of saying, “It’s all because of that Internet,” I think then I would be a bit better. But who’s to say.
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